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Learn about the mother wound and how it affects your life, work and relationships

The Power of Disruptive Truth-telling: The Importance of Initiating Difficult Conversations

The phrase "disruptive truth-telling" does not mean to create chaos or conflict for the sake of it. Rather, it means disrupting dysfunction in order to bring the course of things to a higher level. I believe that the women who become skilled at initiating difficult conversations will be the most effective and transformative leaders of our time.

You Don't "Owe" Your Mother for Your Life

There's nothing wrong with having genuine love, respect, and appreciation for your mother and all that she may have done for you. However, the feeling of "owing" your mother is something very different.

The Unlived Life of the Mother: The More the Inner Child Heals the More Confident the Woman Becomes

To become fully empowered, every woman must make the radical shift from unconscious identification with her mother to conscious identification with her own true self.

"Inner Safety" and Innovative Female Leadership: Midwifing a Post-Patriarchal World

We must give ourselves permission to disobey and betray those aspects of our family ethos and popular culture that have separated us from our true potential. And we need to be brave enough to walk away from the inner war and make peace within ourselves.

Women Leaders, "Good Girls," and the Illusion of the Benevolent Patriarch

For centuries access to powerful, white men has been a survival strategy, a scarce resource that ensured status and comfort in the absence of other opportunities for women. Now the survival of the planet demands that we set fierce boundaries with toxic masculinity whenever we see it, in ourselves, in others, and in the communities we are a part of.

Creating the New "Mother Line:" Birthing a World that Values Women

It is truly one of the hardest things on the path of being an awakening woman---to accept that some people in your life will perceive your evolving path of growth as threatening in some way, causing a rift and possibly a break in the relationship.

White Women, Racism and the Mother Wound

“Mainstream communication does not want women, particularly white women, to respond to racism. It wants racism to be accepted as an immutable given in the fabric of your existence, like eveningtime or the common cold.” ~Audre Lorde

Coming Home from the Inner War: Crossing the Threshold to the True "Motherland" Within

Self-care can be very challenging for women. So many of us have watched our mothers be depleted and deprived on many levels. Giving to ourselves can cause guilt or shame. Many women I talk to are often unsure how to actually mother themselves. They are unclear on what "mothering" really is and how to give themselves what they never received.

Progressing on the Sacred Spiral of Healing: The Importance of Long-term Support

Longing for relief from pain is natural. It is human. But if we are to truly mature as a species and truly heal, we must change our view from seeking relief away from our wounds and instead seek relief through the transformation of ourselves through them.

Happy "Inner Mother's" Day: Acknowledging the Myth and Embracing Your Truth

Mothers deprived of their own source of emotional nourishment will see their daughters boundaries as an attack and typically respond with a chilling coldness, devoid of anything we would call "mother."

Parentified Daughters as Female Leaders: Keys to your Emergence

One of the many manifestations of the mother wound is the pattern of the "parentified daughter." A simple definition of a parentified daughter is when a daughter plays the role of mother for her own mother; the roles are reversed ...

The Power of Owning Your "Bigness"

Throughout history we have been given the message that an acceptable woman is a "small" woman. In response, we've been trying to squeeze ourselves into a smaller and smaller forms to appear attractive and palatable to the male cultural ...

Navigating "No-Contact": When Estrangement from Your Mother is the Healthiest Choice

The decision to go no-contact with a family member is a deeply personal one. For some of us, healing the mother wound is possible while staying connected to your mother. In this scenario the healing actually creates a new, deeper ...

Raw, Open and Real: Moving From Traumatic Aloneness to Universal Oneness

As humans, we have two primary needs; the need for attachment and the need for authenticity, according to physician and author, Gabor Maté. In dysfunctional families, a child will typically suppress his or her authenticity needs to preserve the attachment ...

Women and Emotional Labor: Putting Down the Weight

I'm increasingly convinced that the world will be healed by women's ability to feel the full scope of OUR OWN feelings.  The paradox is that feeling the truth of our own feelings involves refusing to feel the feelings ...

Leisure time, Motherhood and the Mother Wound

The choice of whether or not to have children can be strongly connected with the mother wound.  There’s a lot of talk these days about women who choose not to have children and whether they are selfish or not ...

Intimacy, the Inner Mother and the Awakened Masculine

All relationships begin and end in separation, except for the relationship with our mothers, which began in a unity; in a fused identity. Whatever deficits we felt in that primary relationship naturally get projected outwards onto other people or situations ...

The Importance of Enduring Discomfort for the Sake of Transformation

Our "No" moments can define who we are, what we value and what we envision. One of the most profound things a woman can do is to learn to say NO in an empowered way. Your "No" is a sword ...

The "MONEY wound" in the Mother Wound

Many woman feel ambivalent about money and financial success because it brings up issues related to emotional safety, survival, self-worth and the act of receiving. Issues that go back to the original patterns of safety and trust from our early ...

Making Peace with Our Power and Releasing the "Pleaser"

Many women express this fear: "I'm afraid that if become successful,  I'll be all alone." I've spoken with women from numerous countries around the world who have expressed this verbatim.  And some have reported a strange, overwhelming ...

Going into the Black Hole to find the Light of Being

The most empowering thing I’ve discovered in life was not something ecstatic or “spiritual.” It wasn’t found in feelings of bliss. It was found in the very place I did not want to look and after all other ...

Your Body is A Portal to Truth. Enter and Be Transformed.

I've spoken to some folks who glance at the 7-step process of healing the mother wound and say "I already know all this" or "I've done these steps already" yet they still have all the painful symptoms of ...

Self-Honesty is True Safety

Many of us feel fearful that if we become the powerful women we're meant to be, then we will be seen as a threat to those around us. We may hide our light so as not to offend others ...

The Rupture of the Mother Line and the Cost of Becoming Real

One of the hardest experiences a daughter can have in a mother/daughter relationship is seeing that your mother is unconsciously invested in your smallness. For women in this predicament, it's truly heart-wrenching to see that, out of her ...

Mothering Yourself into Mastery: The Sovereign Feminine and Your Inner Wealth

Consistently mothering yourself eventually allows you to release the need to be small or play small in life. When we mother the child within ourselves, we are cultivating an inner environment of safety and unconditional love that we did not ...

Holidays
The Healing the Mother Wound "Holiday Toolkit"

The holiday season can be a challenging time as we re-enter the family system for a brief time during family events and gatherings. Because we have so much shared history with our family members, old patterns have much more momentum ...

Embrace Accountability for Meaningful Change

When it comes to childhood wounds, the sobering truth is that love is not enough. Love for our children is not enough to prevent us from unconsciously wounding them. And love for our parents is not enough to make our ...

When Loyalty to Our Mothers means Loyalty to Our Oppression: How to Break Free

All children are loyal to their mothers. They need her to survive. The more stressed a mother is, the less she can be emotionally present for her child. To the degree to which your own mother's well-being was compromised ...

The Holy Simplicity of Sitting with Our Pain

Sitting with our pain is such a simple act and yet it can be one of the hardest things to do. Feeling our pain and not rushing in to fix it, numb it, avoid it, or cover it up takes ...

3 Reasons Why It's Crucial for Women to Heal the Mother Wound

Because the relationship with our mothers is primary and foundational, unresolved pain related to her can have a profound affect on several areas of our lives, including our core sense of who we are. Our mothers were imperfect human beings ...

The Most Insidious Forms of Patriarchy Pass Through the Mother

Patriarchy is the social organization of a culture in which men hold more power than women. There is a common misconception that men are the only problem of patriarchy. Many continue to believe that only men perpetuate patriarchal thinking. However ...

Guilt, Gratitude and the Emerging from the Mother Wound

Guilt is an obstacle for many women and it can be particularly limiting when it comes to healing the mother wound. It's common for women to begin getting clarity on how dynamics with their mother have impacted their lives ...

The Connection Between Self-Sabotage and the Mother Wound

Self-sabotage is when we are excited about a goal but we unconsciously create obstacles that directly prevent that the achievement of that goal. For some women--being big, visible and powerful may unconsciously feel like a betrayal of their mothers . . . and ...

Self-Care is Not "Selfish"

As women, the need for self-care can trigger feelings of guilt. We've been conditioned to automatically think that we are neglecting others when we take time and energy to care for ourselves. Even if we have very supportive partners ...

The Mother Wound as Initiation into the Divine Feminine

We live in a very fast-paced culture. There's an atmosphere of pressure to be productive, to show our value through what we do, and to expect instant results from our efforts. This atmosphere of being rushed can be challenging ...

The Importance of Resisting the Cultural Pressure to Ignore the Mother Wound

In January, I posted a blog article that went viral called "Why It's Crucial for Women to Heal the Mother Wound."  One of the themes in the feedback I received is that some women felt guilty for being in ...

A Daughter/Mother Revolution for Personal Empowerment and Cultural Transformation

"All great truths begin as blasphemy." ~George Bernard Shaw A very basic definition of patriarchy is "a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it." The patriarchy of western civilization ...

We Can't Save Our Mothers from their Pain

Women's capacity for empathy has been exploited in our culture; distorted into guilt, a sense of obligation, emotional care-taking, co-dependency and self-recrimination. These distortions can paralyze us when we feel the desire to express our true power in our ...

Loving the Magical Child Within

"Caring for your inner child has a powerful and surprisingly quick result: Do it and the child heals." ~Martha Beck There is something so pristine at our core... The child that we were is not just a snapshot of our ...

Re-defining "Honor Thy Mother and Father" in the new paradigm

"Honor thy mother and father," says the commandment. Young children are biologically pre-disposed to revere and honor their parents in order to survive. Yet when children become adults and are capable of questioning their parents and evaluating them from an ...

When Shame feels Mothering: The Tragedy of Parentified Daughters

The road between a little girl and her mother is supposed to be a one-way street with support flowing consistently from the mother to the daughter. It goes without saying that little girls are totally dependent on their mothers for ...

Why it's Crucial for Women to Heal the Mother Wound

What many people do not realize is that the core issue at the center of women’s empowerment is the mother wound. Difficulty and challenges between mothers and daughters are rampant and widespread but not openly spoken about. The taboo ...

Setting Boundaries is Essential to your Empowerment

There is so much to say about boundaries and how foundational they are for our sense of self. In this post, I'll focus mainly on the relationship between our self-worth and our ability to set healthy boundaries effectively. Without ...

Releasing the Need to Struggle

One of my biggest turning points came in the form of exhaustion. I found myself repeatedly exhausted--not the everyday exhaustion that comes from being busy or frazzled. It was a kind of existential exhaustion that seemed to permeate every cell ...

Healing Trauma: What it Really Takes to Liberate your Brilliance

As children we were wide open and vulnerable, without boundaries and depending completely on adults for survival. It's inevitable that as children we experienced some degree of trauma. This is unavoidable; part and parcel of being human. Some of ...

Dare to Own Your Potency

Many of us are craving the ability to be fully authentic, to be real, to be seen and loved as who we truly are. We are collectively longing to have a visceral experience of our true creativity, power and beauty ...

Don't Rush into Premature Forgiveness

We have to accept the legitimacy of our pain before it can be fully transformed. In order for forgiveness to be authentic, we have to acknowledge the reality of the transgression that occurred and the legitimacy of our resultant anger ...

Sadness and Quenching the Inner Thirst

There are so many parts of being human that are sad. When old people start getting old and can't do what they used to. When children grow up and leave their parents' home. When a long-term relationship ends. Watching ...

Claiming our Fullness: Bringing ourselves out of hiding

Understanding the impact of patriarchal paradigms on women is critical to our full empowerment. It’s easy to take for granted or not fully realize how powerfully the patriarchy has affected how we see ourselves and the world. In order ...

Releasing the Role of Emotional Caretaker

Awakening to our full power is a process of subtraction—subtracting out the toxic messages and beliefs that we’ve acquired and replacing them with beliefs that reflect our authentic and undiluted truth. This process of subtracting out patterns and ...

Embracing our Sacred Flesh: Coming Home to the Body

We are living in times of disassociation. It’s no wonder why so many women feel shame and self-hate towards their bodies. Every institution in some form advocates flight from the body. While the messages range from subtle to overt ...

You are the Source

While traveling recently I noticed something interesting about boarding airplanes.  When the first announcement is made of which seats on the plane may be boarded, people anxiously rush to the entrance to the gate, even if their seat number has ...

Healing the Mother Wound, Birthing the Self

How can we embody the divine feminine if we have not faced the reality of our relationships with our mothers? If we have not faced our mother wound? Pain is a messenger indicating that attention is needed. Usually it isn ...

"La Importancia de la Madre Interna: El Duelo por lo Imperfecto, el Encuentro"

Dear Readers, I'm excited to announce that I will be leading my workshop "Healing the Mother Wound" in Barcelona on June 15th. (See Events for more info.) Below is the Spanish version of my article in Elephant Journal "Grieving ...

Bringing the Dark Mother Into the Light

Our world has yet to fully acknowledge the archetype of the dark mother. As we bring her out into the light of our awareness, we free ourselves to become authentic and to show up powerfully in our lives and in ...

Owning our Wounds is an Important Step in Owning our Power

The martyr archetype becomes strong in us through the unconscious belief that suffering is noble and that other women who refuse to suffer in the same way are betraying us. This puts women in a double-bind- "If I'm powerful ...

Manifesting the Divine Feminine through our Female Friendships

Our first experience of loss was in relation to our mothers, when we realized we were not one being, but two. I think we all retain an unconscious memory of the loss of having realized our "separateness." As we heal ...

The End of Attenuation

Attenuation is the impulse to diminish oneself, to be small, to disappear, and to be invisible. Attenuation seems to be one of the central wounds we incur as females in this world. From early on we are taught that there ...

Your Hunger is Holy

As women we have been taught to fear our hunger. We have learned to fight it, to diminish it and to be disgusted by it. Our hunger is real and will not be denied, no matter how much we compromise ...

Transforming the Inner Mother

Developmentally, our relationship with our mother serves as a template for our relationship with ourselves. As female children we absorbed information about how she felt about herself, about us as her child, and about the world. Naturally we internalized these ...

Menstruation is a Portal into the Divine Heart

Menstruation is an act of entering the Divine Heart, which is at the center of all life. During menstruation we have access to a world of feeling; our own personal feelings and those of the wider collective. In the western ...

Welcome Women!

Menstruation is a time in which women can activate and harness their true power--a power the world desperately needs right now--the power of vulnerability, which comes from the courage to surrender and feel what we fear may destroy us. Menstruation ...

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